Monday, October 31, 2005

Like I said before, life is really contradicting. When i didn't managed to get a job, I was bothered by it, and when I have one right now, I'm running away from it.

I guessed no one will read this blog of mine since I've never really officially publicise it to my friends before, so I can say what I really think.

I have a job right now. I'm working in the laundry shop, and I'm only supposed to help the customers write the necessary dry cleaning or laundry wash information for the factory to wash. It DID seemed like an easy job, but when u can't sort out the difference between sweater, winter coat, windbreaker and jacket, it's a stressed thing. For different types of clothes depending on materials, fees are charged differently. If u charged any of them too low, the company will make a loss. The unfortunate part is that I'm not a really competent person ( right now I confessed ) and my boss is my COUSIN which means I can't just walk in and out like I wished and since he's my cousin, I can't let him make a loss, right?

Yesterday was my first day and I kept making mistakes. I even got scolded ( I would considered that as a scold ) by customers. U know if the boss isn't my cousin, I wouldn't care less. But since it is, if i kept making mistakes, customers will not come to the shop again given by my poor attitude. But I didn't shout at them. I was polite to them. I don't know whether is it because it was my first day or what, I'm nervous and couldn't do anything right. If the customer just bring normal materials or one two clothings, it's quite alright for me. But it's tons of it, and I'm the only one tending the shop. No one is going to help me. It's like I'm HELPLESS.

One of the customer who seemed like a real rich one, came to the shop. She was talking on the mobile phone, and I should have waited for her to finish her talk with the other person on the line before asking question about her clothings. But during that time, I forgot. While she was talking, I kept asking her what's the item she brought. She was fed up and she raised her voice a little bit ( but that little bit was enough to break my confidence ) and told me:" THIS IS A SUIT!!" Then of course I trembled. After she finished her talk, she was then a little calmer. Thinking about it, it should be my fault. The "yell" she gave me set me trembling even in my sleep.

Because of that, I don't dare. I don't dare to go back to the shop. I'm scared she will come back and scold me. But I hate this timidness of me. I know, I must go back there after three days' break. I hoped that it wil last longer. But on the other hand, I wanted to have earnings. I wanted to buy my mum a present. I wanted to have money in my bank for future use.

Then today my sister went to work in Marina Square ( she's also in the same line as me just that today I didn't work but she has ) . She called me at noon and asked me whether I want to work tomorrow after my A math lesson. I rejected it. I still have not recover from the fright I had yesterday. Whenever I think of working in the laundry shop, I thought of the terrible incident, so I rejected it.

After rejecting it, I reached a conclusion. I'm running away. Running away from my work, running away from my responsibility, running away from the fright. Somebody say that if we are frightful of one, we should face it instead. Gather its weakness, conquer it. Right now, I'm still not in the right state of mind. I'm still living in the frightful darkness. Give me a few days to calm down, breathe and THINK.

God, I want to do well, and I really do. I know if I work hard, I can do it. Let me have that set of mind and let me do well. Let me conquer the weakness in me. Let me face it with confidence. Amen.

Lifeis a mixture of simplicity and messiness,I call it fantasy
11:18 PM