simplicity x fantasy.

ME! YES! ME!
Pauline Toh aka Laupeni aka Pau
Puggol Primary,Compassvale Secondary,SRJC
4th October 1990
pau_100490@hotmail.com

Desires
1.Don't Faint because of fatigue
2.Want to go university
3.Have a BF
4.Slim down
5.Travel around the whole world
6.Shop all day long
7.Be an achiever

Likes
1.God
2.Family
3.Fahrenheit
4.Slack
5.Chatting
6.Oggle at HANDSOMEs
7.Listening to songs
8.Dancing anyhow..
9.Gossiping

Dislikes
1.Cockroaches
2.Pretty Gals (just jking)
3.Exams
4.homework
5.People who treat me like a fool
6.Being disturbed when i'm in the middle of my dreams

Principles
1.Don't like me? Well, i won't like you much either.
2.Can't be friends? Then don't be enemies either.
3.My pride
4.If you treat me well, i won't treat you badly.
5.If you give me 100% of you, i will give you 100% of me.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

It's getting confusing as the days close up to exams... Everyday is a new feeling, a new SENSATION..Yesterday i was even singing karaoke in my house....I knew i shouldnt be doing that but i cant resist the temptation.
I just finished watching the 5566 Mr. Fighting just now on channel 56. The bad man was so handsome, i wished i could have him as a boyfriend. ( don't mind me , i'm just dreaming..) He's so caring. I wished i could be the Xiao kui...She's so blessed, she can act with 5566 and also that guy.. I wished i can be her.
Ok well, let's come back to exams. Nowadays i couldn't leave the topic exams le.. excapt when i am with my sis and AGK la..Not the same, they not in the same level as me ma.. I feeling so stressed up yet they can feel so relaxed. Sometimes i wish i were them. Like that, i won't worry about exams and those winning or losing to other people.. But i am born that way! From the day i was born, i've been trained to compete with people. I can't neglect the thinkings of other people towards me. I feel like a bad girl.. but my mother said before, only when u have competition, will u then strive. I agree with that, but i dun wan this mindset of mine. I feel very choked. It was like i cannot breathe.
Even though i'm choking right now, i still got to work hard. I always felt that working hard is the way to sucess, but when i found out that my working hard was memorising everything in my mind( even math), i nearly collapsed. Ms koh said before, our class is best at memorising. That means, i'm only good at memorising, and NOTHIng else. I felt so stupid all of a sudden. and even AGK said those who can only memorise things into their heads won't go far. My heart dropped down even further. I've always thought that i wasn't stupid , i was quite a clever girl, but when i heard all those negative things, i just felt like the world collapsed on me, and i couldn't hold it back.
Recently, my dad told me what he wants to see is results, not how much i've worked. I just wanted to shout at him and say:" U #$^&*!! u everything wan results! why dont u go and take the exams urself? Dun u noe that ur daughter is under alot of stress? RESULTS RESULTS....u think u wan results the GOOD results will come to u naturally? Is ur daughter memorised everything into her head and write it down de leh!!" But of course i can't say like that, i will get slapped by him.
I wished the exams could go faster. I want to stop all these mixed thoughts. I want to get off the burden in my heart. God, let me race through time, let me pass my English.

Lifeis a mixture of simplicity and messiness,I call it fantasy
1:05 AM